I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
PANTIES FOUND
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