I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
