if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
