Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
