he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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