Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
