Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
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