stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
