Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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