so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
