hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
