So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
