I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I puked a lego.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
