I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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