yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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