Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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