IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
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