Can i not drive my cunt home
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
