There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
