He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
