I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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