i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
