How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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