Can Purell be used as lube?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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