Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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