She is in my trunk
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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