He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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