I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
