Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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