i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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