2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
