I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
