I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
