chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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