This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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