You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
