Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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