first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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