Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
