I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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