WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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