And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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