I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
