two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
