1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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