I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Randomize
