i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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