on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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