I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
