I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
