i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
