Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
