i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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