just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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