with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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