The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so let's talk penis.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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