end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
