You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
