I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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