you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
