If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize