You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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