seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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