He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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