He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
