Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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